


Colloquial

by Jamilton



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Office, Arguing, Based off of my other fic, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Five Stages of Grief, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I want you all to know that I like the colour blue, Idiots in Love, It's cliche and all but my fave shade of blue is turquoise, Kinda, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious, One Shot, Pining, Short, Short One Shot, dude - Freeform, it's my favourite colour, update my chapter works more like bore ragnarok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-18 15:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20641364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jamilton/pseuds/Jamilton
Summary: In which it takes some time for Alex to acknowledge his feelings.





	Colloquial

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jilijan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jilijan/gifts).

> Jilijan - sorry it took me so long to write a fic for you! Thank you for all the support :) It helps my fragile state of being
> 
> Also, I'm sorry for not posting or updating; ig I've got the September slumps and everything's wearing me out a lil quicker than usual

**Stage One: Denial**

Alex was completely and utterly _done_ with Thomas Jefferson's bullshit.

Not only had he insulted Alex - _three times_, and in the span of under half an hour - but he had used such skillfully passive aggressive language that the only reprimand he received was a slightly exasperated frown from Washigton.

Then, likely sensing Alex's thinly veiled anger and seeking a quick method to worsen it, Jefferson leaned back with a jaunty, smug air and smirked, knowing full well that Alex couldn't do anything to directly retaliate.

Alex could only grit his teeth in response, keeping up a silent but rather vicious stream of insults and curse words. The other man hardly seemed perturbed by the anger he seemlessly provoked - Jefferson even seemed to _bask_ in it - and this only infuriated Alex more.

To make matters worse, Alex dealt with more disciplinary concerns in a mere week of Jefferson's transfer than he had within his entire career. Jefferson had a way of using light yet deeply agitaing mannerisms that were vague enough to be dismissed, but slowly built up until Alex's resolve splintered and the dam of anger he had been building finally cracked under the tension.

To say that Jefferson was the very bane of Alex's existence was a vast understatement.

More often than not, Alex found himself secured in John's office, pacing back and forth, ranting about how much of a _bastard_ Jefferson was. Lafayette didn't seem at all sympathetic, and Hercules looked rather unimpressed, but he was somewhat appeased that John was as indignant as Alex was.

"The fifth time in a consecutive week!" Alex repeated with buildinh frustration. Lafayette rolled his eyes, leaning against Hercules, mouthing a short phrase that got a huff of amused agreement. Lafayette continued watching Alex's movements with a distant amusement. "I honestly hope that asshole steps on lego one day."

Hercules hissed sharply through his teeth. "Strong words."

"I mean it." Alex insisted, vehement. John nodded in approval, and Alex sent him a grateful look at the singular display of support. "He's a terrible person. I don't see how anyone can genuinely enjoy his company."

Lafayette snorted, derisive. Alex sent him a cutting look, daring him to elaborate on what he so obviously wanted to say. Lafayette matched this look and firmly stated, "We both know you're interested in him."

There was a pause.

"What?" Alex asked blankly, glancing between a carefully impassive Hercules and a now blithely grinning Lafayette. He blinked slowly, the words and their implications finally setting in. "No. _No_. Lafayette, you're making no sense whatsoever."

Lafayette gave a dubious hum, indicating that Alex had been heard but not agreed with. Alex stared at Hercules, imploring him to offer some sort of support, but scowled when Hercules merely shrugged. "I'm with him on this one."

John paused, considering, and Alex winced. Gingerly, he stated, "I mean, now that he mentions it..."

He exhaled forcefully, feeling the small beginnings of a headache rise. Alex pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing again. "I'm not stupid. I'd know if I was interested in someone like that."

"Nobody accused you of being stupid." Hercules said, raising his hands slightly in mock defense. "We're just ponting out-"

"Implying." Alex interrupted, and was promptly ignored.

"-that hatred might not be the right word to use for what regard you hold Jefferson in." Hercules finished, barely reacting to Alex's interjection. When he glanced over, searching for some form of solidarity, he noticed that John apparently supported the others.

"I don't like him!" Alex argued, defensive and now more than a little frustrated. Hercules lifted an eyebrow at the tone but didn't comment on it.

Lafayette grinned, and Alex could immediately tell that whatever words would be spoken were likely at the expense of his dignity. "I agree, you don't _like_ him..."

Alex narrowed his eyes. Lafayette left the end of the sentence empty, allowing the space for many (_entirely inaccurate_) innuendos to complete his statement.

Thankfully, Hercules was finally sympathetic to Alex's suffering, and promptly changed the subject, giving Alex time to adjust from their casual betrayals and optimistically hope that they would drop the topic entirely.

**Stage Two: Anger**

Barely a week had passed since the initial - and completely false - idea of Alex being remotely interested in Jefferson. However, it wasn't as though his friends made a habit of bringing this up.

Whenever Alex had so much as a mild response to Jefferson's backhanded insults, there would be a private exchange of knowing looks and Alex would glare fiercely.

The constant speculation he was placed under was agitating beyond suitable description. Alex could feel his patience running shorter, and his bolstered willingness to be direct in his arguments only lead to more stern talks, which, as a result, vexed him even further.

Which was how Alex found himself tense to the point of starting more debates than usual. Jefferson, unfortunately, seemed to welcome the sudden increase in arguments.

Alex walked the familiar path to John's office, intent upon bitching about work with no specifics, as if he directly stated what was causing the complaints, he would be greeted with yet another bout of scepticality.

Unfortunately, upon taking this route, he would be required to walk past the office kitchen, which was presently occupied. For a brief, long second, Alex paused.

Jefferson hadn't noticed his arrival yet.

Alex considered keeping him unaware, walking past without being detected, since John had brought extra food and if Alex didn't get there on time, there would be nothing remaining. As quick as this idea came it left.

"Jefferson!" Alex addressed. Jefferson startled, glancing at him. The moment he identified Alex, his expression lightened just barely, before any amicable traces were wiped away. For some reason, this frustrated Alex more. Alex scowled. "I don't like you."

"The fuck? What did I do?" Jefferson glanced around him, as though checking for anyone who was equally as bewildered as he was. "I'm _literally_ just standing here."

"You're an asshole." Alex replied simply. Jefferson stared for a second or so, as though gauging Alex's sincerity.

"Holy shit, Hamilton, can you get any more arrogant?" Jefferson glowered. "I'm standing here, enjoying my coffee, and then you saw fit to insult me because I was minding my own business?"

"Yes." Alex agreed. It didn't make much sense, even to him, but arguing with Jefferson somehow seemed to ease his frustration. Alex supposed that it would be from distraction, and meant he wouldn't be reminded about how all his friends are traitors.

Content that his point was made, Alex continued his path to John's office, just barely catching Jefferson's bewildered but vaguely amused, "Goddamn."

**Stage Three: Bargaining**

His consistent anger directed towards his friends continuously assuming the worst had gradually faded away into a weary exasperation. It took an hour of objective discussion and critical thinking for Alex to understand _why_ his friends might think this.

Unfortunately, once he discovered just how often he stopped by Jefferson's office, or how they could argue about the smallest of disagreements, it was difficult to fault them.

Alex knew that their assumptions were obviously the antithesis of fiction. The issue was that it opened up the _possibility_ of it. Despite his best attempts to push that idea far, _far_ from his mind, it was always there, just barely ducking beneath his subconscious and reappearing at the least opportune moments - primarily when talking to Jefferson.

He didn't get _flustered_, though he did pause occasionally, or stumble over his words. Jefferson was seemimgly curious about the sharp behavioural changes, but Alex always backed away before he could find the source of Alex's discomfort. 

Whenever an event like this happened, Alex found himself walking towards Lafayette's or John's office, excuses already half-formed and seconds away from spilling.

Lafayette's office was occupied with both him and Hercules, which meant that he would be able to gain a second opinion. Without giving any greetings beforehand, Alex began, "Do you think that-"

"Ah, _merde_, he's at it again." Lafayette muttered.

"The answer is no." Hercules said.

Alex continued, the only indication that anyone else had been heard was shown through raising his voice. "-if I just completely avoid Jefferson-"

"I've already said no." Hercules retorted.

"-you'll stop saying that I want to date him?" He finished, glaring at Hercules. There was a brief pause in which Hercules managed to look as unimpressed as Alex felt. For a split second, Lafayette and Hercules exchanged looks.

"No." Hercules blandly replied.

Alex scoffed, throwing his hands up in frustration. It was the usual response, but nonetheless difficult to accept. Lafayette sighed.

"Alexander_, je t'aime_, but sometimes you are so goddamn oblivious I want to bash your head against a brick wall." Lafayette's gentle tone of voice sharply contridicted the brutality of his words and Alex was taken aback. Lafayette allowed a pause, then added, "Repeatedly."

"Wow." Alex said, blinking. "_Thanks_, Laf."

"No problem." Lafayette shrugged, remorseless. Hercules seemed to bite back a smile. He adjusted his posture to look more neutral.

"You're the one that keeps bringing Jefferson up." Hercules reminded Alex, tapping his fingers against his arm and giving Alex a critical look. The look Alex gave him was spectical, so Hercules added, "You talk about him at least three times a day."

"Yeah, right." Alex scoffed at the overzealous exaggeration. John glanced at Alex, the lift to his eyebrows conveying meaning. Alex paused, glancing between three solemn faces. "You _are_ joking, right?"

"No." Lafayette and John said in unhesitant unison.

Alex winced at the tone of voice which garnered no bartering. Again, he glanced between them all for some sort of weak link he could exploit to even out the unwanted conversation. His next question was directed more towards Hercules. "_Three times_ a day?"

"Only if he's not annoying you that much." Hercules confirmed. "If I'm honest, Alex, you spend at least half of your day either talking to him or complaining about him."

There was a long silence as Alex let what had just been said resonate into an uncomfortable truth that he would've liked to ignore. Then, Alex inwardly groaned, throwing his hands to his face. "Oh my god."

Lafayette just rolled his eyes. 

**Stage Four: Depression**

There were likely better ways to deal with this.

Slumping over the desk in his office, idly watching his sandtimer trickle to the bottom before flipping it and repeating the process was probably not a better way. Though, Alex found himself unable to care about that.

He wasn't sure what had brought on this sudden change in mood. Maybe it was from Alex's lack of understanding - he could feel something, akin to an epiphany, but no matter what he did, it always seemed out of reach.

At least he wasn't behind on his work. Constantly writing had its benefits, after all, and he considered himself fortunate that his boss hadn't caught onto his uncharacteristic procrastination.

Though, for the most part, his friends knew better than to question why he was - as Lafayette delicately said - sulking. Alex didn't _sulk_, and attempted to explain as much, but to no avail. After two days of keeping to himself, both Lafayette and John were becoming impatient, and Hercules was apparently concerned for his well-being.

Eventually, he became bored of the sandtimer, upgrading to creating a square-based pyramid with pens. This, to a degree, was successful, up until his office door unexpectedly opened and Alex startled, knocking his masterpiece over with a mere jolt of his hands.

Alex glanced up and when he noticed who was there, he automatically moved to adjust the cuffs of his sleeves before catching himself. The action wasn't caught. Alex stated, "And my entire day worsens."

"You have a sad, sad life." Jefferson retorted, not even waiting a moment. Alex scowled, pointedly collecting his scattered pens. Jefferson watched him. "Where the fuck have you been?"

"In my office." Alex said slowly, glancing up from his collection. "You know, the place I'm supposed to be, and the place where you're not welcome. Why are you bothering me?"

Jefferson gave a small, one-armed shrug. "Just curious. Hamilton sightings are at an all time low."

"I'm sure you'll get over your loss." Alex muttered. He resumed attempting to stack his pens into yet another pyramid, an obvious dismissal. Jefferson ignored the social normality, leaning against the door frame to Alex's office.

"It's hardly a loss." Jefferson scoffed. Then, in a completely different tone, "What's happened?"

Alex was surprised, despite himself. He regarded Jefferson, almost amused. "Are you trying to engage in small talk with me?"

Jefferson scowled, glancing away and taking a half-step back. "There's no need to be an asshole about it."

"Just curious." Alex retorted. Jefferson crossed his arms, waiting for the answer to his previous question. Alex conceded with a sigh. "I'm allowed to be tired."

Jefferson didn't seem convinced. "Alex, you're never tired."

"What?" Alex asked sharply, startled at the casual, practiced way Jefferson drawled his name. His stomach flipped and Alex inwardly scowled, because he knew that was a stupid reaction to someone saying his name for the first time.

"What?" Jefferson repeated innocently, but Alex could pick up on the underlying tension, as though Jefferson hadn't intended to call him by his name.

Despite the fact that Jefferson clearly wanted to drop the subject - and, on a subliminal level, Alex probably did, too. Regardless, he pushed. "_You_ said Alex."

Jefferson neatly arched an eyebrow. "No, I didn't."

Alex bristled. "Yes, you did."

"It never happened." Jefferson said firmly.

Alex narrowed his eyes. "You know full well it did, Thomas."

Jefferson seemed mildly taken aback, regarding Alex with undisguised intrigue and slight bemusement. Though there was a slight lilt to his lips, almost a half-smile, that seemed - pleased?

"Maybe it happened." Jefferson - _Thomas_ \- eventually mused, and even from this distance, Alex could see the playful and poorly guarded change to his expression.

It took Alex a second or so to remember how words worked. "We'll never know."

Thomas smirked, and for once, Alex didn't find this irritating.

**Stage Five: Acceptance**

From that day forward, Alex began to notice the critical difference in how their conversations were held. The change must have been gradual, slow enough for Alex to overlook it, but at some point, Thomas had decreased the amount of insults and Alex had stopped arguing with no regard of the consequences.

It didn't take a lot of time to add up each point, and when everything neatly clicked into place and Alex found out why there were some moments he caught himself staring at Thomas, or wanting to see him smile at Alex, he surprised himself by not particularly reacting.

At this point, it felt entirely natural and therefore did not warrant a sharp reflex, even though it had been several months in the making. Regardless, a revelation was a revelation, and Alex waited a day or so to inform his friends.

"I think I like him."

"We know." Hercules said, not even pausing, or asking who Alex was talking about.

Alex frowned, only slightly offended at the supposed lack of trust. "Why didn't you tell me?"

John froze. Comically, he glanced at Alex, then at Hercules. When Alex kept his expression the same and Hercules winced as though he was dealing with the early onset of a migraine, John snorted. "Oh my fucking god."

"No." Hercules warned.

Lafayette gave the other two a warning look before adjusting himself, clearing his throat and glaring at them as he spoke. "I, for one, am happy for you."

"Hey!" John objected.

"I never said I wasn't happy for him." Hercules reasoned, hands raised as though he was attempting to placate Lafayette's palpable disapproval. Lafayette mumbled under his breath, slightly molified.

"So..." Alex began, cautious. "Nobody's surprised?"

Again, there was a pause in which the three exchanged looks, likely debating on how their responses should sound. When no clear consensus could be created without speaking, Hercules cleared his throat. "Um..."

John suddenly gave a theatrical gasp, springing to his feet and pointing an accusing finger at Alex. "My god, Alexander! Jefferson is the enemy! You're - you're _consorting_ with the enemy."

"Disgraceful." Hercules said in mock disapproval.

"I'm repulsed." John added, looking away in fake disgust.

"I raised you better, Alexander."

"You're all so funny." Alex deadpanned. Lafayette seemed to agree, judging by the way he was trying to cover his face to poorly hide the fact that he was laughing. "I'm never telling any of you anything ever again."

Nobody was convinced by this particular remark, even Alex. The conversation drifted to different subjects, and Alex allowed the familiarity to lull him into a sense of ease.

**Stage Six: Pining**

"You're doing it again." John muttered, giving him a surprisingly subtle nudge over the table. Alex jolted, bewildered, but true to John's word, he was doing it again and hadn't even noticed. John raised a pointed eyebrow. "Y'know, instead of staring at him, why don't you talk?"

"We talk." Alex protested, defensive.

"Yeah, about nothing." John scoffed, dismissive, but when Alex narrowed his eyes in indignation, John hastily amended, "Well, nothing substantial."

"You're nothing substantial." Alex grouched under his breath.

John sent him a sideways scowl, lips thinned. "Just do something about this. It's distracting. And _upsetting_."

"I don't care." Alex replied, because he didn't. He wasn't exactly sure how long he would remain content with hiding this from Thomas, but so far, their talks and very regular companionship was more than enough.

"You will." John said, solemn. "At some point, you'll be a tiny, aggressive ball of rage and-"

"Fuck off." Alex snapped.

"-_then_ I'll sit back-" John continued in a louder voice.

"I will _harvest_ your _teeth_." Alex seethed, glancing around to see if anybody had noticed John's call for attention. Unfortunately, a few people were watching in curiosity, Thomas amongst the few.

John finished triumphantly. "-and say _'I told you so'._"

"You're not my friend anymore." Alex promptly decided, ignoring John's exaggerated but likely genuine gasp of offence. Then, his eyes brightened and he gave Alex a mischievous grin and Alex felt his proverbial hackles rise. "John."

"What?" John asked innocently. They maintained staring at eachother for a minute or so. Alex narrowed his eyes, turning briefly to see if he could get Hercules over before John caused whatever madness he obviously wanted to cause. Two seconds with Alex's back turned was enough for John to shout, "Jefferson, come here!"

Alex whipped around. To his absolute horror, Thomas was making his way over to them and Alex ground out through gritted teeth, "John. If I survive the next few moments, your body will be found in a shallow, unmarked grave."

"Good." John replied seriously. "I welcome death."

"What is it?" Thomas asked, sounding rather bored. He glanced between them, lingering on Alex as he frowned. Alex gave him his best 'I am not involved in anyway' look.

"Stand there." John said. Then, he stood up, grabbed any items he had taken with him (and included Alex's favourite pen in the mix), and bolted out the door.

Alex took a second to process the treachery he had just witnessed. He called after him, "Shallow grave, John!"

"Your friend is acting weird." Thomas drawled, neatly arching an eyebrow. Alex winced, noting that despite his warning of roughly twenty seconds, he hadn't prepared anything to say.

Lamely, he offered, "Weird is his normal. And I'm pretty sure he's not my friend anymore, so..."

Alex wondered how the fuck he was able to fail in being a functioning human being so quickly. He tried to dispell the awkward words between them, clearing his throat, but only succeeded in making things worse.

"This is..." Thomas frowned. "This is so fucking awkward. _Why_ is this awkward?"

"Any interaction involving you is awkward." Alex immediately replied, thankful that the words came to him so quickly. Thomas scowled but didn't seem to be particularly bothered.

"I don't really think that's the correct word to describe me." Thomas replied, accent lazy and dragging out each syllable. "Do you want to try again?"

Alex paused for dramatic effect, before magnanimously settling for the lighter insult of, "I'd say you're annoying."

Thomas gave him a pitying look that quite clearly suggested Alex could do better. When Alex appeared unrepentant, he shook his head. "That's tragic."

"You're tragic." Alex automatically, unthinkingly retorted. Thomas gave him a look crossed between confusion and strange endearment, as though Alex had said something gently amusing.

"As much as I'd love to be entertained by this, I've got other places to be, and we can't message each other since I've tragically misplaced your phone number." Thomas drawled, off-handedly, seeming forgetting the existence of emails. 

Alex frowned. "I didn't give it to you in the first place."

Instead of being taken aback from the assertion of this fact, Thomas smirked, as though he had noticed something Alex hadn't. "Then why don't you fix that?"

Then, it clicked.

"Oh." Alex simply said.

"_Oh_, indeed." Thomas repeated, and Alex would've glared if he wasn't busy trying to wish that he seriously hadn't just missed a hint that obvious. To make matters worse, Thomas seemed to enjoy how ruffled Alex was and tactlessly added, "That took you a while."

"Shut up." Alex scowled. "Do you have a pen? I don't trust your ability to remeber _anything_."

"Oh, you wound me." Thomas grieved, hand over where his supposed heart would be, but there was a slight smile hinting at the corners of his lips that Alex struggled to not return.

**Author's Note:**

> 'the antithesis of fiction' - also known as, I used the word false/incorrect too many times and can't use it again. I need to update so many things but I have severe commitment issues ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


End file.
